Creeper Life

  Table of Contents

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Monday, Later That Day. . .

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Find out What Happens Next in… Diary of a Minecraft Creeper Book 2

  Copyright © 2017 Pixel Kid Publishing

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This unofficial novel is an original work of fan fiction which is not sanctioned nor approved by the makers of Minecraft. Minecraft is a registered trademark of, and owned by, Mojang Synergies AB, and its respective owners, which do not sponsor, authorize, or endorse this book. All characters, names, places, and other aspects of the game described herein are trademarked and owned by their respective owners. Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2017 Mojang.

  Saturday

  Hi, my name is Jasper. I’m a Creeper.

  And this is my diary.

  My mom and dad told me that I bottle up my feelings too much.

  They said if I don’t let my feelings out that one day I’ll explode.

  So, they got me this diary to help me chill out.

  My whole Creeper village thought it was time to let the world know the truth about Creepers, too.

  They thought that I could write something in my diary that would one day set the world straight about Creepers.

  I was wondering why they chose me.

  Until I realized that I’m the only Creeper that knows how to write.

  And, yes, I’m the only Creeper that can write with his feet.

  I usually have a lisp when I talk, so I hope you don’t mind me hissing sometimes.

  Yeah, I’m weird like that.

  But at least I’m willing to admith it.

  Sorry, there’s my lisp again.

  HSSSSSSSSS.

  So, I wanted you to give you a peek into my diary so you could know what Creeper life is really like.

  Thass because most of the things you hear about us are just not true.

  Some obsessed Minecraft fans have said things about Creepers that are downright wrong.

  Like, I’m sure you’ve heard that we sneak up on players in Minecraft and blow them up.

  Or, that when you’re not looking we blow up your house.

  Or, that we wait for you to finish your really cool Minecraft creation, which took you weeks to create, all so that we can blow it up.

  I just want to let you know that it’s not true.

  Well. . .not all of it.

  Sure, we do sneak up on people. But not on purpose. Most of us are just really shy.

  And, sure, we do blow some people up but that’s just because we get so excited to meet you that we can’t help ourselves.

  And, about blowing up your house and your awesome Minecraft creations. . .well. . .that one’s true.

  We get jealous sometimes because we can’t build stuff like that.

  It’s not our fault. We don’t have arms, you know.

  Now, you’re probably wondering why we blow up when we get excited.

  Well, we have this condition. . .and it runs in my family.

  You know, like how you have your mom’s nose or your dad’s unibrow.

  Since Creepers are all related, every Creeper suffers from it.

  It’s called Spontaneous Combustion.

  Or Detonitis, for short.

  Don’t laugh. It’s real.

  I’ll bet if you looked it up, you would find an article about it online.

  Here’s an article I found about some doctors who are trying to find a cure for it.

  They say that we blow up because we get so excited that we go through a chemical reaction inside.

  Kind of like when you eat too much candy on Halloween and your stomach feels like it’s about to explode.

  Or if you eat a bad burrito.

  So, we do our best to contain ourselves.

  But we get excited really easy.

  Like, one time my uncle met a really famous celebrity.

  He got so excited that when the celebrity was writing him an autograph, my uncle just couldn’t hold it in.

  It’s just a good thing the guy didn’t need all his fingers. . .

  . . .Or his eyebrows.

  Another time, a different uncle of mine found an emerald in an underground cave.

  He really did try to contain himself.

  But emeralds are just too cool to keep to yourself.

  Poor guy. . .

  Never made it off the bus.

  So, don’t think of us as bad.

  Creepers aren’t bad. We’re just easily excitable.

  So, if you see us, don’t get all crazy and excited.

  Because we’re really sensitive.

  And it probably won’t end well. . .for neither one of us.

  HSSSSSS.

  Sunday

  Today, I was wondering where Creepers come from.

  So, I decided to ask my mom and dad.

  For some reason, they started getting really nervous and started hissing and stuff.

  Then they blurted out that Creepers come from monster spawners.

  I didn’t believe them, though.

  Everybody knows that there are no Creeper spawners in Minecraft.

  One of the kids from school said that Notch was trying to make a pig but made a mistake and he ended up with a Creeper instead.

  I didn’t believe him, either.

  Creepers don’t look anything like pigs.

  And I’ve never heard of a pig spontaneously exploding for no reason.

  But if they did, I guess that’s what instant bacon would taste like.

  Another kid at school said that Creepers came from a secret military experiment gone wrong.

  He said they were trying to make soldiers that could blow stuff up with their minds.

  But something went wrong and they ended up with Creepers instead.

  He gave me a picture of what we looked like before the experiments.

  After seeing it, it kind of made me think that maybe he was right.

  Monday

  Today, we had a day off from school.

  I think it had something to do with a Creeper accidentally walking into the girl’s bathroom.

  They said it was raining pigtails and makeup all over the place.

  Since we had a day off, my family decided to get together for a barbeque.

  My whole family was there, including my uncles, aunts and cousins.

  But, I don’t know. For some reason, every time my family gets together, it seems like there are less Creepers around.

  Now, our extended family doesn’t get together much.

  That’s because the last time we tried it, things got r
eally crazy.

  Somebody decided it was a good idea to start a food fight.

  It didn’t end well. . .but the fireworks were awesome!

  Now, what’s funny is that not all Creepers in my family are green.

  Some Creepers are yellow and some are even red.

  They say if you’re yellow that means if you explode, you make a yellow flame.

  And if you’re red and you explode, you create a red flame.

  But if you’re green, all you do is explode.

  Yeah, it’s not as pretty.

  Most of my family live in Biomes with lots of plants.

  We can hide better that way.

  Though, I heard that a whole group of my uncles, aunts and cousins once moved out west to the desert Biome.

  I don’t think they thought it through, though.

  After their first night in the desert Biome, they realized they made a big mistake.

  I think it was when they tried to use cactus for pillows.

  Yeah, some Creepers aren’t the sharpest tools in the Minecraft chest.

  Some of my relatives live underground, too. They say that it’s a lot safer down there.

  But after a while, living in the dark affects your eyesight.

  I had an uncle once that lived underground for twenty years.

  I asked my dad what happened to him.

  My dad said that he accidently ran into some Skeletons, who he thought were his relatives.

  When he wouldn’t stop talking, the Skeletons shot him with an arrow.

  Now, all we have left of him is a record of his greatest hits.

  Yeah, Creeper families are a real interesting bunch.

  We’re known for being real sensitive, too.

  It doesn’t take a lot to get us to our boiling point.

  And many of us have an explosive personality.

  Also, we’re always bursting at the seams with excitement.

  So, try not to get us too charged up.

  And don’t ever, ever, ever try to tickle us.

  I mean it.

  Tuesday

  Today, was my first day back at school.

  I was a little bit bummed about it.

  Don’t get me wrong, my school is really cool.

  That’s because I go to a school for special mobs.

  I tried to go to regular school once, but it didn’t go so well.

  That’s because I have this. . .err. . .problem.

  No, not the condition I mentioned to you before.

  This is another problem that started happening recently.

  You see my farts. . .they’re really, really, really bad.

  Like, school cafeteria mystery-meat bad.

  They smell a lot like gunpowder.

  Sometimes I can’t help it, and I just fart without warning.

  So, at my first day at regular school, we were having lunch in the lunch room when. . .

  PFFFFFFTT!

  All of a sudden, all of the kids ran away from me as fast as they could.

  I tried to pretend it wasn’t me.

  But there was a little cloud of black smoke following me around that gave it away.

  One kid lit a match to see what would happen.

  No one has ever seen him since. . .

  So, after that experience I couldn’t find a school that could handle my. . .uh. . .problem.

  Until we found a school for gifted mobs.

  I think that was just a nice way of saying a school for kids with issues.

  Like, there are a lot of Blazes, Endermen and Withers at this school.

  And those guys have real issues.

  But, my mom and dad said this school was perfect for me.

  I didn’t know why they said that.

  Then after my first day, it totally made sense.

  Here’s a picture of Ms. Nilnose, my homeroom teacher.

  And then there’s Principal Shortsnout.

  And then there’s my Math teacher, Mr. Cheese.

  Man, that guy can talk. . .

  I wish I could go to the school in the village next to me, though.

  But Villagers are mean.

  I heard a rumor that most Villagers want to blow up Creepers.

  I think it’s because they probably think that we blow up their stuff up on purpose, too.

  If I ever meet one, I want to tell them that Creepers are really nice but we just get real excited, thasss all.

  But, I don’t think they’ll believe me.

  Especially since a charged Creeper recently blew up a Villager’s brand new house.

  If you didn’t know, a charged Creeper is a Creeper that was struck by lightning.

  It doesn’t happen a lot, but when it does, a charged Creeper blows up ten times bigger than a regular Creeper does.

  So, I think my Uncle Sparks was passing by a Villager’s house one day and then it started to rain.

  Next thing you know, the Villager’s house blew up.

  Poor Uncle Sparks.

  My dad always said he had an explosive personality.

  Real hot-head that one. . .

  Wednesday

  Today my family went out to my favorite restaurant for dinner.

  They have the best bean burritos you ever tasted.

  Only thing I don’t like about it is that it always smells like gunpowder.

  Now, I think my family, The Creepers, are really cool.

  Mom and Dad are okay, especially for parents.

  I have an older sister named Ima, Ima Creeper.

  And I have a younger brother named Seymour, Seymour Creeper.

  We have a cool family although my older sister and little brother can be a pain sometimes.

  We even started a family band.

  We call ourselves The Creepers.

  I play the guitar, Mom plays the tambourine, Dad plays the drums, and my sister Ima sings.

  Seymour just plays his rattle.

  It was a little hard to learn how to play our instruments, but eventually we got the hang of it.

  You have to get real creative when you don’t have any arms.

  One thing I really like about my family is that we go on vacation a lot.

  My favorite place to go is the jungle Biome.

  I like it because I get to swing on trees and stuff.

  Yeah, that took a lot of practice too.

  We found an ocelot in the jungle Biome once.

  We tried to take it home and keep it as a pet.

  Yeah, that didn’t go very well.

  I think it’s because I’m allergic to cat hair.

  Every time I got around Oslow—that’s what we called him—I kept sneezing and hissing.

  So, we gave him to my Uncle Crackpot Creeper instead.

  Looking back, I don’t think that was such a good idea.

  You see, my Uncle Crackpot started sneezing and hissing all over the place too.

  Unfortunately, he’s not with us anymore.

  Neither is Oslow. . .

  Speaking of pets, what I really want is a pet pig.

  But my mom says that pigs don’t get along with Creepers.

  She says that there is too much history there.

  Something about us being too much alike.

  Honestly, I don’t understand what she’s talking about.

  Thursday

  Today, at school, I caught up with my best friends, who I hang out with all the time.

  There’s my neighbor, Harry Obrien.

  But we call him Herobrine for short.

  But I don’t think he likes that name.

  Every
time we say it, the temperature in the room rises.

  There’s also my friend, Ed the Enderman.

  He’s really cool because he can teleport and stuff.

  You just need to keep an eye on your things when you’re around Ed.

  Stuff tends to go missing whenever he’s around.

  And there’s my friend Ned, Jed, and Fred.

  He’s a Wither. Or they’re a Wither. I can never get that right.

  They’re great. But they talk a lot, though.

  When one head stops talking the other one starts.

  He could probably talk to himself for hours.

  Now, our favorite game to play is a game called Hide and Sneak.

  It’s kinda like Hide and Seek except we have to sneak up and scare each other.

  But no matter how much I play, I can never win.

  Herobrine has a way of just sneaking up on me out of nowhere.

  Ed, the Enderman, just vanishes before I can get really close to him.

  And Ned, Jed, and Fred can always see me no matter what direction I come from.

  My mom says I should stop playing with these guys.

  She says they’re a bad influence.

  I just think she doesn’t like me playing Hide and Sneak.

  Something about Creepers not handling surprises very well.

  Friday

  Today I was running late for school, so I decided to ride the school bus instead.

  My Mom told me not to ride on the school bus.

  She said something about Creepers not doing well in enclosed spaces.

  But today I decided I was going to try it.