Bullies and Buddies Read online

  Table of Contents

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Special Sunday Entry

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Find out what happens next!

  Copyright © 2015 Zack Zombie Publishing LLC

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This unofficial novel is an original work of fan fiction which is not sanctioned nor approved by the makers of Minecraft. Minecraft is a registered trademark of, and owned by, Mojang Synergies AB, and its respective owners, which do not sponsor, authorize, or endorse this book. All characters, names, places, and other aspects of the game described herein are trademarked and owned by their respective owners. Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2016 Mojang.

  Monday

  Whew!

  We barely made it out of there alive.

  That’s the last time I’m ever going to Steve’s house!

  You’d think that if a guy invited you to his house, he would let the neighbors know you were coming.

  But nooooooo…

  Steve forgot to tell his neighbors that a Zombie, a Skeleton, a Slime and a Creeper were all coming over for dinner.

  So you can imagine how happy the villagers were to see us.

  It didn’t help that Skelee brought his bow and arrow.

  Or that he wanted to show everybody how good he could shoot.

  It also didn’t help that Creepy started getting nervous and shaking all the time.

  We had to keep calming him down every few minutes…

  I mean, every few minutes all we heard was, “HISSSSSSS…”

  Then a few minutes later, “HISSSSSSSS….”

  Just when we thought he calmed down, we heard, “HISSSSSSSS!”

  I don’t think I’m going to take Creepy anywhere anymore.

  After all that, Slimey tripped and broke into a bunch of little slime pieces.

  Villagers were running around like crazy because he and his pieces kept running up to them to say “Hi.”

  I don’t think Slimey is good at reading social cues. He can be a bit thick sometimes.

  Then the torches came out!

  The villagers started screaming and yelling at us, waving their torches around.

  Now, from my last experience with fire, I didn’t want to stick around for that!

  I didn’t want to have to stay home and grow my skin back again!

  So I was the first one to run out of there.

  They even unleashed their dogs and cats on us.

  The cats were kind of cute, but the dogs were really mean.

  Actually, I think one of the dogs got a piece of Skelee while we were running.

  All I remember is that when we got out of there, Skelee seemed shorter than usual.

  Also, he started bobbing up and down when he walked.

  Creepy said that he didn’t like the cats.

  He said that he didn’t like how they kept hissing at him all the time.

  We finally got out of there and made it back home.

  I would say we got back in one piece but…

  Slimey was missing some of his small pieces.

  The dogs got a few pieces of Skelee.

  And Creepy was missing his arms.

  Wait a minute… Did Creepy ever have arms?

  Anyway, I dropped a few of my body parts as well.

  Nothing major. Just a few toes, and maybe a finger or two.

  Well, that’s the last time I’ll ever go to Steve’s house.

  Maybe next time he can come to my place instead.

  Tuesday

  Everybody was back at school today.

  Slimey got himself back together.

  I think Skelee found his lost pieces because he seemed taller again. Also, he didn’t bob up and down when he walked anymore.

  And, even though I couldn’t find my body parts, I think having a few less fingers made me look cooler to all the kids at school.

  But, poor Creepy was traumatized by the whole experience.

  He stayed home from school today because his mom wanted to keep an eye on him.

  I think they said something about “24 hour watch,” and something about preparing a “blast radius.”

  But I didn’t really understand what his parents were talking about.

  Adults can be weird sometimes.

  After school, I found Steve mining as usual.

  I think he was really sorry for what happened the other day.

  He wanted to make it up to me, so he gave me his favorite video game.

  “It’s really cool,” Steve said. “I think you’ll really like it.”

  “What’s it about?” I said.

  “It’s about Plants and Zombies.”

  I was surprised that humans would be so interested in Zombies, but I didn’t get the Plant part.

  “Really? What’s so special about Plants and Zombies?”

  “Just play it. You’ll see,” Steve said.

  “Cool. I think I’m going to play it with the guys at my sleepover this Friday. Thanks, Steve!”

  Man, the guys are going to think I’m the coolest mob at school when they see this video game!

  All the kids are going to be crawling over each other trying to come to my sleepover.

  I’m going to be the most popular kid in school!

  Wednesday

  I decided to walk Sally to school today.

  One thing about Sally is that she really likes to talk.

  She told me about everything that happened to her over the weekend. She told me about her mom, her dad, her big brother and little sister, her cousins, her pet squid, the weather, her operation, when she got her tonsils put back in, her pimple, and how proud she was that I faced the Iron Golem. She even talked about how weird it is that I have a human friend named Steve.

  She likes to talk about everything!

  But I don’t mind. I’m just glad she’s my ghoulfriend.

  That’s what Skelee told me I was supposed to call her.

  But, I don’t think he really knows what he’s talking about.

  He’s never had a girlfriend or a ghoulfriend.

  But I’m sure he wishes he had.

  Skelee tried to talk to a girl at school once. She was a screamleader named Lotta Bones. She was really popular.

  But he chickened out.

  Yeah, the kids at school teased him, and told him he didn’t do it because he didn’t have the guts.

  Well, in the middle of Sally talking to me, I think I made her mad.

 
Maybe it was because I started picking my nose cavity while she was talking.

  Or, maybe it was because I was flinging my boogers in to the air while she talked.

  Or, maybe it was because I found a really big booger that was connected to a long string of snot.

  Or, maybe it was because I took that really big booger with snot attached to it, and I ate it.

  But I think the reason she got really mad at me was because I didn’t share any with her.

  How was I supposed to know that I was supposed to share my lunch with my girlfriend? Or ghoulfriend…or whatever I’m supposed to call her?

  Thursday

  I started telling all the kids at school about the new video game I got from Steve.

  I had all the kids drooling more than usual, wanting to play it.

  “Where did you get it?” they asked.

  “I got it from my human friend, Steve,” I said.

  “Oh man, then it must be awesome!”

  Just the thought of doing something against the rules, like playing a human video game, got all the boys at school jumping at the chance to come to my sleepover on Friday.

  Just in time too.

  Big mouth Jeff was going to have his sleepover this Friday too, and he already had about ten kids coming to his.

  I just had Skelee, Slimey, and Creepy coming to mine. And we can’t always count on Creepy.

  But, now that I have this video game, like twenty kids said they were coming to my sleepover.

  A lot of those kids canceled on Jeff and jumped on my list.

  And, even Jeff asked to come to my sleepover.

  “Alright, Jeff, you can come,” I said. “But, I have to pull a lot of strings to get you in.”

  Ha! Who’s the king of the play yard now?

  I can’t wait till the kids play my new video game.

  With a name like Plants vs. Zombies, it’s gotta be a hit!

  Wow… So this is what being popular feels like. Sweet.

  Friday

  Today is the day of my sleepover.

  I have like 25 kids coming over.

  Mom and Dad had to buy tons of extra cake for all of the guys.

  I’m so excited. This is going to put me on the map as the most popular kid at school!

  I can imagine what my yearbook picture is going to say when I graduate: “The most popular Zombie that ever lived.” Or, “The Zombie everybody in school wants to be like.”

  This is awesome!

  I’ve got to figure out what to do with my little brother, though.

  I know he’s going to try to bother all of my friends and bite them on the ankles.

  I’m thinking of hiding his chicken so he won’t bother us.

  Or, maybe I can hide him in the basement, with the other body parts we keep down there…

  I know what you’re thinking, but we don’t keep human remains in the basement.

  Those are just extra Zombie body parts we keep in case we lose a leg or arm at school or on the playground or something.

  We have a big supply of arms, legs, feet, butts, ears, elbows, and fingers down there.

  Mom likes to make sure we are fully stocked and prepared in case anything happens.

  Dad says if there was ever a Human Apocalypse that we could survive in the basement for a whole year.

  Sweet.

  But, the little minion has got to go. I just have to think of something that won’t get me in trouble with my Mom, though.

  Anyway, I’m all set for my sleepover tonight.

  Got the food… Check!

  Got the comics… Check!

  Got the coolest video game in the world… Check!

  Saturday

  Oh, man, it was terrible!

  All the kids were horrified.

  Some kid fainted and fell on the cake.

  Another kid lost his head…and we still can’t find it.

  One kid’s guts came out. It was so bad that he looks more like a Skeleton than a Zombie now.

  Even Big Mouth Jeff was huddled in a corner rocking back and forth, crying for his Mommy.

  All the kids went screaming and running home.

  Slimey got out of the house so fast that he fell and broke into a bunch of Slimey bits again.

  He even left some of his Slimey bits behind at my house.

  I’m just glad Creepy couldn’t make it.

  I think if he did, we would all be in the hospital right now.

  That video game showed us things that our young eyes should have never seen.

  We saw Zombies getting eaten by plants…

  Zombies being blown to pieces…

  And even Zombies getting run over by lawnmowers!

  It was horrible! I’m going to have “daymares” for weeks!

  I think the thing that really grossed us out the most was the part about Zombies eating brains.

  Yuckkk!!!

  That was the grossest thing I ever saw.

  Even writing about it, I think I’m going to hurl.

  So much for being the most popular kid at school.

  Actually, I think I’m now the most unpopular kid on the planet.

  Maybe I’ll go live with the humans… They might take me in.

  I just need to stay away from their plants.

  Sunday

  I went to go see Steve to return his video game to him.

  “It was really cool, right?” he asked.

  I don’t think he could tell from my empty eye sockets what I really thought about his game.

  “Did you get to the part where the Zombies are on the roof?” he asked.

  “That’s a tough level for me,” he said. “I always get my brains eaten…”

  Then, I hurled.

  “Whoa! Are you OK?”

  “I’m OK. But I don’t think that game was really my taste…” I said.

  Then I hurled again.

  “Wow—you’re really hurling chunks today,” Steve said. “Well, maybe you might like this game. It’s one of the best.”

  He handed me a cool looking video game.

  It looked pretty good. Maybe I could redeem myself at school with this one.

  “Thanks, Steve,” I said. Then I said goodbye and walked home.

  I wonder what this video game is about. All I know that with a name like, “Call of Duty: Black Ops—Zombie Edition,” it must be good…

  Monday

  “Mommy, Mommy! I have lice in my hair!”

  That’s all I heard when I woke up today.

  When I got out of bed, the whole house was going crazy!

  I asked my Mom what was going on.

  My Mom was jumping up and down.

  “Your little brother got an infestation of lice in his hair!” she said.

  “Whoa!” I said

  “Let me check your hair!” she said.

  I let my Mom check my hair. She went through it like she was doing brain surgery on me.

  “Nope. No lice,” she said.

  “Aw, Man! Why couldn’t I wake up with lice in my hair?”

  Why is it that my little brother is always the lucky one?

  My Mom and Dad were so happy for my little brother getting lice that they brought a cake home for him after school.

  Life is so unfair…

  Most of the kids at school have lice.

  But for some reason I can’t get any.

  I even thought if I slept on my little brother’s pillow, I might get some.

  All I got when I woke up was boogers and chewing gum stuck to my face.

  Man, some kids just have all the luck.

  Tuesday

  Today we had Mob Gym class at school.

  That�
�s when they get all of the mobs together in the gym to play games.

  They do it because they think we need the exercise.

  They don’t want us to be like the chubby human kids that are suddenly popping up all over the place.

  They decided to play a game called Dodge Ball.

  I thought it sounded like fun…until they started picking teams.

  Of course, Me, Skelee, Slimey, and Creepy were the last to get picked.

  I heard that none of the other kids wanted us on their team.

  I think they were still mad at me about the sleepover.

  The gym teacher decided to make us our own team.

  I thought it would be fun playing with my best friends…

  Until…

  All of a sudden the gym doors burst open and we saw “HIM” for the first time.

  When “HE” walked into the gym, all of the kids nearly fell apart.

  One kid dropped his jaw and it broke into a few pieces.

  The gym teacher turned so white he almost looked human.

  “HE” must’ve been seven feet tall, and had a chest the size of a house.

  They said his name was Mutant, and he had just transferred to our school.

  Mutant

  I knew he was trouble as soon as I saw Mike Magma, the bully, give him a high five.

  We’re all doomed…

  All I can say is that the game of Dodge Ball was really short.

  Mike Magma and Mutant were the only ones on their team because Mutant counted as 3 people.

  And of course, Mike Magma and Mutant’s team demolished every team they played.