Cloudy with a Chance of Apocalypse Read online

  Table of Contents

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Thursday Later that day. . .

  Friday

  Friday Later that day. . .

  Saturday

  Saturday Later that Day. . .

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Wednesday Later that day…

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Find out what happens next!

  Copyright © 2015 Zack Zombie Publishing LLC

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This unofficial novel is an original work of fan fiction which is not sanctioned nor approved by the makers of Minecraft. Minecraft is a registered trademark of, and owned by, Mojang Synergies AB, and its respective owners, which do not sponsor, authorize, or endorse this book. All characters, names, places, and other aspects of the game described herein are trademarked and owned by their respective owners. Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2016 Mojang.

  Monday

  “I’m not fat! I’m just chubby, that’s all.”

  “Yeah, right. You’re so fat that you stepped on a scale and it said, ‘To Be Continued’!”

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  “Stop it! That’s not funny,” Slimey said as tears started welling up in his eyes.

  “You’re so fat, you brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!” Darius the Enderman said.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  Oh, man. I could tell Slimey was about to break. And Darius and his friends weren’t letting up.

  “You’re so fat, not even Dora can explore you!”

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  “WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”

  Yup. That’s it. Slimey’s done.

  After obliterating all of Slimey’s self-esteem, I thought it was over.

  But Darius and his group of minions weren’t finished yet. Then they set their sights on Creepy.

  “You’re so dumb, you thought a quarterback was a refund!” Quentin said.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  “Yeah, you’re so dumb, you went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth!” Chad said.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  “Naw, you’re so dumb, when somebody said it was chilly outside, you grabbed a bowl!” Darius said.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

  HSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

  Then Darius and his friends ran away before Creepy went nuclear.

  But, me and the guys helped Creepy calm down.

  “That was close,” I said.

  “Why. . .sniff. . .are. . .sniff. . .those. . . sniff. . . guys. . .sniff. . .so. . .sniff. . . mean? WAAAAAAAHHH!!” Creepy asked between sobs.

  “I don’t know, Creepy. . .I don’t know.”

  Actually, I did know.

  I think Darius took a blood oath to be my mortal enemy for life.

  But I don’t get what the big deal is.

  I mean, all I did was beat him at the National Minecraft PVP championship.

  And, yeah, maybe me and Ellie did rat on him for cheating.

  . . .which got him banned for life from every Minecraft server on the planet.

  . . .And which made him lose all his Gaming sponsorships.

  . . .And which got him put on academic probation at school.

  . . .And which made him the laughing stock in our whole town. . . as well as the other 12 biomes.

  But I still don’t get what the big deal is.

  But ever since then, Darius and his minions have been terrorizing me and the guys for weeks.

  The worst part is that it’s happening right when we’re all going through puberty.

  Which is like free ammo for Darius and his goons.

  I mean like, I already feel dumb that both of my legs are the same size, which is really weird for a zombie.

  And I already feel weird that I have hair growing out of my ears. . .or where my ears would be if I had any.

  And I feel really weird that I occasional smell like. . .uh. . .you know. . . minty fresh.

  Sniff. . .BLECH!

  But the other guys got it real bad.

  Like, Slimey is so fat that he only wears parachute pants now. And when I mean pants, I mean a parachute with a rope on it.

  And Creepy’s head is like two sizes too big.

  I mean, his head is so big, he doesn’t have dreams anymore. He has movies.

  I think somebody even said his head is so big it shows up on radar.

  Though, the good thing is that when it rains, his feet never get wet.

  And Skelly got it bad too.

  Right now, he’s so skinny, that he has to run around in the shower just to get wet.

  He even said he can do a hula hoop with a Cheerio.

  Man, just when I thought I was on top of the world.

  I mean, I really thought I was going to be popular this year.

  Like, I was going to be the king of the hill.

  Now, I’m more like the king of the pimple.

  Figures.

  Tuesday

  I was looking in the mirror today, and I noticed a lot of other things that’ve been happening to me since going through puberty.

  Like, I started noticing some dirt where my upper lip would be.

  I was thinking about shaving it, but I couldn’t find a razor for my teeth.

  Also, I found these really big pimples growing on my back.

  They kinda made me look a little like Quasimodo.

  I tried to touch my pimples to see what they felt like.

  But then they popped.

  Now, I just look like I took a bath in cottage cheese.

  “Zombie, are you still staring at yourself in front of the mirror?” my mom asked. “You’ve been there for over an hour.”

  “YETH, MASTHER!”

  “Uh, Zombie, are you all right?”

  “YETH, MASTHER!”

  “OK, well, dinner’s almost ready.”

  “YETH, MASTHER!”

  My mom walked out of my room with a weird look on her face.

  But, I’m just glad that she left.

  I started getting really tired of holding my Science book.

  You know. . .

  To cover my bony knees.

  Wednesday

  I went to go see Steve today.

  I wonder if Steve has to worry about stuff like puberty.

  I mean, ever since I’ve known him he always kinda looked the same.

  But, who knows, maybe Steve had a round head before.

  And instead of punching trees, maybe he used to punch something else.

  Like Zombies. . .gulp!

  Naw, what am I thinking. Steve would never hurt a Zombie.
. .Right?

  “Hey, Steve.”

  “Yo, Zombie, what’s crackalackin’?”

  “Well, actually, since you asked. . .”

  “POP!”

  “Ewww! Dude, doesn’t that hurt?”

  “Naw, not really. Plus, it comes in really handy when we play baseball.”

  “POP!”

  “There you go, good as new.”

  “Bro, warn a guy before you do that,” Steve said. “So nasty.”

  “Anyway, Steve, I got a question for you.”

  “Yeah, what’s up?”

  “Hey, did you ever like, you know. . .um. . .go through. . .changes?”

  “What kinda changes?” Steve asked.

  “Uh. . .you know. . .changes. . . like when your body starts to grow stuff, and uh. . .do stuff and like fall off and stuff. . .”

  Steve just gave me his usual confused look.

  “Oh, you mean like puberty?”

  “Yeah, yeah. . .puberty, yeah. . .”

  “Yup. Sure did. Like, I don’t know if you know this, but I was a really chubby kid when I was younger,” Steve said. “Here’s a picture.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t always have this strong chiseled body, you know. It took years of training to get it this way.”

  I just started at Steve, confused.

  “So, you actually wanted to look like that?”

  “Ha, ha. Funny. I also didn’t always punch trees you know,” Steve continued. “I used to punch Zom. . .”

  RRRRUUUUMMMMBBBBLLLLEEEE!!!!!

  All of a sudden, there was a huge earthquake around Steve’s house.

  “What the what was that?!!!”

  “Oh, that’s just the underground volcano,” Steve said. “It always does that around this time of year.”

  “What underground volcano?”

  “You know, in the Nether,” Steve said. “Though, it’s kinda weird. It’s never been this strong before.”

  “Hey, I used to play hide and seek in the Nether with my cousin Piggy. But I never saw any volcano.”

  “Yeah, it’s behind the old Nether Fortress. It’s been pretty quiet for like 600,000 years. But it sometimes passes gas once in a while, which sometimes causes the ground to rumble.”

  “Whoa, a Nether fart. So cool.”

  When I left Steve, I was really happy to hear that Minecraft mobs weren’t the only ones that go through changes.

  Humans do too.

  And, volcanos can fart.

  So cool.

  But, you know, Steve didn’t let his chubbiness keep him down.

  Instead, he made himself the man he is today.

  Yeah, he looks weird. . . especially with his incredibly big square head.

  But if Steve can do it, I can too.

  As a matter of fact, you know what?

  This year, I’m not just going to be popular. . .

  I’m going to be the most popular kid in school!

  And neither Darius, nor his minions are going to stop me.

  And as for puberty, ha!

  I laugh at you! HA! HA! HA! HA!

  You know, for all I know, puberty probably doesn’t even exist.

  Thursday

  At lunchtime today, I went to the library to get some ideas on how to be more popular.

  CLICKETY CLACK, CLICKETY CLACK, CLICKETY CLACK.

  I’m sure there’s something on the Ender-net about how to be more popular.

  CLICKETY CLACK, CLICKETY CLACK, CLICKETY CLACK.

  Yeah, here’s a good article.

  ‘HOW TO BE A POPULAR ZOMBIE IN 3 EASY STEPS’

  Nice, I like easy.

  Let see. . .Number 1—Get Noticed.

  OK. Now how do I do that?

  It’s all about confidence. Zombie Confidence has a lot to do with body language. Walk with your head really low and your arms at your sides while dragging your knuckles on the floor. Also, make sure to hunch and walk with a limp. Remember, the bigger the limp the bigger the crowd you’ll attract.

  Hmmm. . .that one’s gonna be a little tough. Especially the limping part. Yeah, that’s been really hard since my legs recently grew the same size.

  Puberty…

  So wrong.

  All right, let’s see what else it says. . .

  To get noticed in class, raise your hand, and answer every question the teacher asks. And never be afraid to speak up!

  OK, that’s a little better. I can do that.

  As a matter of fact, I’m going to try it in my next class.

  Man, at this rate, I’ll be the most popular kid in school by the end of the week.

  Sigh. Good times.

  Thursday

  Later that day. . .

  “All right, boys and girls. Who can recite the Minecraft National Anthem for us?” Ms. Bones asked.

  Darius and his minions started snickering and pointing fingers at any kid who thought about raising their hand.

  But, I knew this was my chance to really get noticed.

  “I can, Ms. Bones,” I said.

  “All right, Zombie, please start.”

  Well here it goes. . .

  “Boomdiyadda, Boomdiyadda, Boomdiyadda, Boomdiyadda. . .

  I love the mountains.

  I love the clear blue skies.

  I love big bridges.

  I love when wolves run by.

  I love the whole world.

  And all explosive sounds.

  Boomdiyadda, Boomdiyadda, Boomdiyadda, Boomdiyadda. . .

  I love some redstone.

  I love my zombie friends.

  I love hot laba. . .

  I mean Hob lava. . .Hob laba. . .

  I lub hob laba. . .

  Hob laba. . .”

  “LOOK!” somebody yelled.

  All of a sudden, I looked down and I noticed these two big pieces of zombie flesh hanging off of my face.

  “ZOMBIE’S GOT LIPS!” somebody else yelled.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  Then all the kid started laughing at me.

  “Hey, Zombie, your lips are so big that whenever you smile, you get Chapstick in your ears!” Darius said.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  “Hey, Zombie, your lips are so big, you can smile and wash your hair at the same time!” Quentin said.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  “Hey, Zombie, your lips are so big that Chapstick had to invent a spray!” Chad said.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  I tried to run out of the classroom, but my lips were so big that I tripped over them on my way out the door.

  “HAHAHAHA!”

  After tripping a few more times, I finally made it to the janitor’s closet and locked myself in.

  Then, after a little while, I heard a knocking at the door.

  “Hey, Zombie, you in there?”

  “Creeby, is bab you?”

  “Yeah, Skelly and Slimey are here too. Are you OK?”

  “WAAAAAAAABABABABAHHHH! “Wabs habbening to me?”

  “I don’t know, man, but we can sneak you out,” Creepy said. “But you need to hurry cause Darius and a whole crowd of kids are coming this way.”

  So I opened the door.

  The guys tried to put a jacket over my head to hide me as we snuck out. But I kept tripping over my lips.

  “I got an idea!” Skelly said.

  Then everything went black.

  All I heard was a lot of muffled laughter until we got outside.

  Then I could see again.

  “Man, your new lips make a great hoody,” Skelly said.

 
“WAAAAAAAABABABABAHHHH!”

  I finally got to my house.

  I wanted to go straight to my room and jump into bed and pretend this wasn’t happening to me, but…

  FRBLNKT!

  FRBLFFT!

  FRBLMPT!

  I just kept tripping on my lips going up the stairs to my room.

  Finally, I just threw my lips over my shoulder and went upstairs.

  I opened the door and jumped into bed. And I just laid there in bed, miserable.

  Since I didn’t know what else to do, I just put my new lips over my head and cried myself to sleep.

  Friday

  “Bub, Momb, I can’t go boo school loobing like bis!”

  “Oh, Zombie, stop being so dramatic,” my mom said. “You’re just going through puberty, that’s all. And to be honest, it kind of looks cute on you.”

  “Son, this is natural. All Zombies go through mutations during puberty,” my dad said.

  “WAB?!!!”

  “Yes, son. When I went through puberty, my ears grew really, really big. I was really sad until I realized that I could fly to places a whole lot faster. They came in really handy when I was late for school.”

  “WAAAAAAAABABABABAHHHH!”

  “Come on, Zombie, off you go,” my mom said. “School is going to start soon, and you don’t want to be late.”

  Then my mom took my lips and wrapped them around my neck a few times.

  She said they would keep me warm, but I knew what she was doing.

  And it wasn’t working.

  I started walking down the street, and when I got around the corner I decided to ditch my first few classes at school.

  I know I wasn’t supposed to, but I couldn’t go to school looking like this.

  So, I went to the only person that I knew who could help me.

  “Hey, Steeb.”

  “Whoa! Zombie, you look like you got your head stuck in a Minecart. What happened?”