Endermen Rule! Read online

  Table of Contents

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Wednesday, Later That Day. . .

  Wednesday, Even Later That Day. . .

  Thursday

  Thursday, Later That Day. . .

  Friday

  Saturday

  Epilogue

  Find out What Happens Next in…

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  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This unofficial novel is an original work of fan fiction which is not sanctioned nor approved by the makers of Minecraft. Minecraft is a registered trademark of, and owned by, Mojang Synergies AB, and its respective owners, which do not sponsor, authorize, or endorse this book. All characters, names, places, and other aspects of the game described herein are trademarked and owned by their respective owners. Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2018 Mojang.

  Monday

  Hi, my name is Elliot and I’m an Enderman.

  You know, people don’t know much about Endermen.

  I think it’s because we’re naturally the strong, silent type.

  But because we’re so mysterious, people say some really crazy stuff about us.

  Like, people think that Enderman play basketball because we’re tall and have long arms.

  But it’s not true. We don’t play basketball.

  But if we did, we would kick your butts. Ha-Ha!

  Another thing people say is that we steal people’s stuff.

  Now, just because we move your block around doesn’t mean we’re stealing it.

  We just think that it would look better somewhere else.

  I mean, it’s true that sometimes we take your stuff home.

  But that’s only because it probably looks better in our house than yours.

  I’ve also heard people say that we’re always staring at you.

  And I even heard people say that if you stare at us, we’ll melt your face off.

  Now, that’s not true. We just stare because we’re just really impressed at how perfectly square your head is in Minecraft.

  And about melting your face off. . .

  Well, that only happens if you look at us funny.

  Now, it is true that we can teleport.

  But we can’t teleport to the moon or anything like that.

  The most we can teleport is only a few feet.

  Mostly, we just use it for really important stuff.

  Like farting and teleporting away before someone can blame it on us.

  Tuesday

  Today, I started thinking about where Endermen come from.

  I tried asking my mom, but she just stared at me.

  I tried to ask my other Endermen relatives, too.

  But every time I asked them, they just stand there staring out into space.

  Gets really annoying sometimes.

  Yeah, something tells me that nobody knows where Endermen come from.

  Now, a kid at school once told me that Creepers and Endermen actually came from a secret military experiment.

  They tried to make us into super soldiers and something went wrong.

  Like, Creepers were supposed to have explosion power.

  And Endermen were supposed to have teleportation and mind control powers.

  But Creepers ended up with stinky farts, and they randomly explode.

  And Endermen. . .well, we just stare out into space a lot and have sticky fingers.

  He gave me a picture of what Endermen looked like before the experiment.

  After seeing it, it made me think that maybe he was right.

  But I have my own idea of where Endermen came from.

  I think Endermen were created when a magical wizard used magic ink to draw a stick figure one day.

  Then, when the Wizard wasn’t looking, the stick figure drew more stick figures that multiplied into a whole new civilization, and took over the world.

  Don’t ask me how I know this, I just do.

  Some of the other kids think I’m crazy.

  But when you look at a stick figure, you can see the resemblance, can’t you?

  Now, I heard Notch say that Endermen are cousins of Slenderman.

  But I don’t believe that.

  I mean, sure, you can’t stare at Slenderman for too long or he’ll melt your face off.

  And sure, we’re both tall, dark and mysterious.

  And sure, we both have long arms.

  And sure, we both sneak up on you when you’re not looking.

  And sure, we can both teleport.

  And sure, our names sound real alike.

  And sure. . .

  Hey, wait a minute. . .

  Whoa! Are you kidding me?!!

  Wednesday

  Today I was hanging out with my family, and I was just thinking how lucky I am.

  That’s because Endermen families are pretty cool.

  Now, in my family there’s my mom and dad, and their names are Aliyah and Nigel Enderman.

  And there’s my little sister, Ebony.

  Except my sister is not so little.

  She’s taller than me.

  In Endermen families, the women are a lot taller than the men.

  I don’t know why.

  But I think it’s because their feet are bigger.

  Endermen families aren’t very big, though.

  At least not around here, anyway.

  But back home in The End, we have family everywhere.

  Like, I’ve got lots of uncles, aunts and a ton of cousins.

  And when I go home on vacation, I always meet new cousins I’ve never met before.

  It’s like they just pop up out of nowhere.

  So far, I’ve counted 57,334 cousins.

  But they look so much alike, I probably counted some of them twice.

  Having a lot of relatives comes in handy, though.

  We have the best dance parties.

  The Mosh pits are awesome!

  My mom and dad like to do a lot of fun stuff with our family.

  Like, they wanted us to join a circus once.

  They thought we would make great acrobats.

  ‘The Flying Endermans’ was what they called us.

  We even had shirts made up.

  But the circus people changed their minds after the first time we tried it.

  It’s really hard grabbing each other when you don’t have any fingers.

  Yeah, Endermen don’t have fingers or hands.

  We just grab blocks by balancing them on our long arms.

  Makes it really hard when we have an itch, though.
r />   So, I get mad when people say that Endermen have “sticky fingers.”

  Obviously, they don’t know what they’re talking about.

  Thursday

  Today, I started the first day of my new school.

  I actually go to school for gifted kids.

  It’s because I’m, well. . . gifted.

  Naw, it’s just another way of saying that Endermen are different.

  You see, we can’t go to school with the other Villager kids.

  The schools just aren’t safe for us.

  Like, one time they started a Student Exchange program with The End.

  And there was an Enderman that wanted to check out regular Villager school.

  But it didn’t go so well.

  Like, the first day he got there he had to be taken to the hospital.

  You see, first he hit his head on the doorway on the way into the school.

  And he kept hitting his head on the ceilings in every classroom.

  He even got his legs all mangled trying to fit in one of the “desk chairs” they had at school.

  Then, he caused an explosion in the chemistry lab when he tried to grab a beaker full of chemicals.

  Yeah, when they designed Villager school, they didn’t have Endermen in mind.

  But the school I go to is perfect for Endermen.

  The doorways are really tall.

  The classroom ceilings are really tall, too.

  We even have tall stools and high desks that we can’t get mangled by.

  And they give us Velcro gloves in chemistry class so we won’t drop anymore beakers.

  So cool.

  But the only thing I don’t like is Gym class.

  Like, the only sport they let Endermen play is basketball.

  I really don’t know why. . .

  Villager kids are welcome to come to our school, though.

  But they usually don’t go because they feel kind of small.

  Only one Villager kid ever came to our school and graduated.

  He fit right in.

  But he did feel awkward sometimes, though.

  Friday

  Today I had to take my pets to the Mob veterinarian because they were feeling blue.

  Yeah, normally they’re purple, so I knew something was probably wrong.

  Now I have the coolest pets in the world.

  They’re so cool, I carry them around with me wherever I go.

  They’re called Endermites, and they’re really friendly.

  Though, I don’t think they’re friendly to Minecraft players.

  Once there was a bully in our neighborhood who bothered me a lot.

  He kept saying that he wanted to destroy me to get an Ender pearl.

  Which I thought was kinda gross.

  Especially since Endermen poop Ender pearls.

  I mean, he didn’t have to be a bully about it.

  I would’ve gladly given him my poop if he asked nicely.

  But he started swinging his sword at me.

  So I teleported to get away from him.

  But then I realized I dropped my Endermites.

  Next day, I found my Endermites with pieces of that kid’s skin in their teeth.

  That’ll show him not to mess with Endermen.

  . . .Or their poop.

  Saturday

  Today I was going to play a practical joke on my sister.

  I had to get her back for putting a silverfish in my toilet.

  If you didn’t know, Endermen really like to play practical jokes.

  We play a lot of them on Minecraft players all the time.

  One of my favorite games is called “Teleport Tag.”

  That’s when we teleport next to you, smack you on the head, then teleport away.

  Classic!

  Another game I really like is called, “Timber.”

  That’s when we wait for you to build the biggest, coolest Minecraft creation ever.

  Then we take away the most important blocks holding it together.

  The fun part is teleporting behind you and yelling, “TIMBER!”

  But you know, the one game that Endermen are really bad at is a game called “Follow the Leader.”

  We tried it once.

  But it didn’t end very well.

  Man, I miss those guys.

  But my favorite game of all time is the “Staring Contest.”

  We just look at you for a while and see how long you can stare back at us without blinking.

  You can make all kind of faces and noises, but whoever blinks first loses.

  And I’m like the all-time Minecraft champion at this game.

  Wanna play?

  Okay. Get ready. . .now!

  Wow, you’re good!

  Not bad!

  Whoa! You’re a natural!

  Ha. . . made you blink!

  I told you I was good at this game.

  Sunday

  Today I went to hang out with one of my Mob friends.

  Now, not all my friends are Endermen. I have a friend named Quentin, and he’s a Creeper. And he’s really cool.

  A little stinky sometimes, but cool.

  Quentin and I sometimes talk about what would happen if you merged a Creeper and an Endermen together.

  That would be so cool.

  We would call him an Endercreeper, or a Crenderman. Or maybe a Creeperman?

  He would have the power to teleport, read minds, and cause massive explosions with his mind.

  And if he farts, he can teleport away before anyone found out it was him.

  We even drew a picture of it. . .

  Cool, right?

  Monday

  Last night, the weirdest thing happened.

  Like, out of nowhere, it started flashing lightning and crackling thunder outside.

  The neighbors said something about all the Zombies from the neighborhood going crazy and attacking the Villagers next door.

  Everybody was yelling about a Zombie Apocalypse.

  But I think they were lying.

  I saw the whole thing, and I didn’t see any Zombies with lips.

  My mom said that strange stuff like that happens to Mob kids when they reach puberty.

  I believe her, too.

  Like, recently, I started sleepwalking for no reason.

  And every morning, I wake up and find all this stuff in my house.

  So weird. . .

  Tuesday

  Today I was thinking that if I had the power to do anything, I would probably make my arms a little bit shorter.

  That’s because right now, my arms reach all the way down to my ankles.

  It gets kind of hard to do a lot of stuff.

  Like, I have a real hard time scratching my nose when it itches.

  Not to mention, when I have to pee. . .

  Sigh. . .so wrong.

  Also, if I had the power to do anything, I would make all the doorways in the Overworld really tall.

  I’ve hit my head so many times walking into people’s houses, my head is black and blue.

  Can you see what I mean?

  What do you mean, what’s the big deal?

  My head is normally pink, you know.

  The other thing I would do is get rid of my fear of water.

  Yeah, it’s true, Endermen are afraid of water.

  I try not to tell anybody because it’s so embarrassing.

  But sometimes I can’t hide it.

  Like, one time, we went on a school field trip at the lake.

  When all the kids went swimming, I made an excuse that I was allergic to swim trunks.
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br />   But I think the other kids found out because the next day at school they brought their squirt guns.

  One of the guys took a picture of what I looked like that day. . .

  Like I said. . .embarrassing.

  Nobody really knows why Endermen are afraid of water.

  My dad said that Endermen don’t like water because a long time ago, when the first Endermen migrated to the Overworld, he went to the lake and was attacked by a squid.

  Ever since then, Endermen tell their children that giant monster squid are just waiting to drag them to the bottom of the lake if they go swimming.

  Yeah, Endermen families are little dysfunctional.

  Personally, I don’t like water because I don’t like taking baths.

  And the giant monster squid thing is pretty scary, too.

  But I guess if I wasn’t so afraid of water I would probably smell better.

  But I don’t sweat it.

  Teleporting comes in really handy for those smelly moments.

  Wednesday

  In just a few more days, it’s going to be Halloween.

  And Halloween is like my favorite holiday.

  The best part about Halloween is that I can dress up like cool characters.

  This year, guess who I’m going as?

  Yeah, I couldn’t help myself. I had to be Slenderman for at least one Halloween.

  Me and my friends sometimes like to play a game called ‘Hide and Sneak’ during Halloween.

  I’m really good at it, so I always win.