Zombie Family Reunion Read online

  Table of Contents

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Thursday

  Friday

  Saturday

  Sunday

  Special Sunday Entry

  early Monday entry

  Monday Entry

  Late Monday Entry

  Tuesday

  Wednesday, I think…

  Thursday?

  Late Thursday I think…

  By now I’m not sure what day it is…

  Feels like Saturday…

  This may be my last entry ever…

  Monday

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Find out what happens next!

  Copyright © 2015 Zack Zombie Publishing LLC

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This unofficial novel is an original work of fan fiction which is not sanctioned nor approved by the makers of Minecraft. Minecraft is a registered trademark of, and owned by, Mojang Synergies AB, and its respective owners, which do not sponsor, authorize, or endorse this book. All characters, names, places, and other aspects of the game described herein are trademarked and owned by their respective owners. Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2016 Mojang.

  Monday

  “We’re going where?!!”

  “We’re going to our Zombie family reunion,” my Mom said.

  Oh man, this is terrible! I thought I was going to spend the rest of my summer just playing video games and eating cake. Now I have to go to a dumb family reunion.

  “Do I have to go, Mom?”

  “Yes, you do. Our family reunion only comes around once every 100 years, and this year all of your relatives from all of the different Biomes are going to be there,” she said.

  Oh, great. I thought my family was crazy enough. Now I have to deal with the rest of my crazy family from all around the Overworld.

  I’m telling you I think somebody somewhere put a curse on me.

  I mean this stuff doesn’t happen to other 12 year old kids, does it?

  I bet you human kids don’t have to go to family reunions. I’m sure they don’t have to deal with all of their crazy relatives coming together to do dumb family stuff.

  Human kids probably have fun summers, just playing video games all day and eating lots of cake.

  Man, being a Zombie is hard.

  “Where is it going to be?” I asked my Mom.

  “This year we’re going to have it at the Grand Zombie Canyon in the Mesa Biome,” she said.

  “What’s that?”

  “Well, the Grand Zombie Canyon was where the last battle of the Zombie Apocalypse was fought,” she said. “It has a lot of history, you know.”

  All of a sudden, Dad chimed in, “Yeah, your great, great, great, great grandpa Rhemus fought in that battle, and he said it was a real doozy.”

  That sounded pretty interesting…

  “Really, Dad?”

  “Yeah, Rhemus was a 37 star General in the Zombie Special Forces,” Dad said. “He hobbled around really slow because of all those medals.”

  Whoa.

  “And guess what, your great, great, great, great grandpa Rhemus is coming to the family reunion this year,” Dad said with pride in his voice. “You can meet him.”

  “Your great, great, great grandmother Petunia Zombie flew across the ocean in a single engine airplane,” Mom said, nodding. “She’s coming too.”

  “Really?”

  “And you know who else is coming?” Dad asked. “Your great, great, great, great, great, great grandpa Methuselah Zombie is coming. We’re going to celebrate his 1000th birthday at the family reunion.”

  “What? He’s going to be 1000 years old?!!”

  “Yep.” Dad nodded. “And he’s just as rotten and smelly as when he first became a Zombie.”

  Wow. I never thought my family was that interesting. But great, great, great, great grandpa Rhemus and Petunia Zombie, and Methuselah Zombie all sound really cool.

  I wonder what other cool relatives I’m going to meet at my Zombie family reunion.

  Tuesday

  I went to see Steve today to tell him about my Zombie family reunion.

  I told him all about my cool relatives.

  “And I have a great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather named Methuselah Zombie, whose going to turn 1000 years old.”

  “Wow! That’s a long time to be a Zombie,” Steve said.

  “Yeah, I know, right?”

  “Hey, Zombie, since you brought that up, I have a question for you.”

  “What is it?”

  “Do Zombies ever die? I mean, I know you’re already dead and stuff, but do you ever die, die?” Steve asked.

  “I don’t think so.” I shook my head as I thought about it. “I asked my Dad once, and he said that as long as nothing major happens to us, like getting a serious blow to the head, Zombies can live forever.”

  “Whoa,” Steve said. “But, if Zombies never die, wouldn’t you run out of places to live?”

  “My Dad said that there are plenty of caves for all the Zombies in the Overworld. He also said that the Overworld never ends. It just keeps generating more caves and biomes and stuff.”

  “Cool,” Steve said.

  “So, Steve, how would you feel about coming to my Zombie family reunion?” I asked him.

  “Are you serious? That would be awesome. But won’t your relatives get weirded out by me being human and all?”

  “I think with a little green paint, and a little bit of old rotten Chinese food, we can fix all that,” I said. “We can just tell them that you’re an exchange student from another Biome. We get those all the time. They won’t be able to tell the difference.”

  “Sweet. So when is it?”

  “We’re leaving on Sunday,” I said.

  “Wow, Zombie. Your family reunion is going to be off the hook!” Steve said.

  “Yeah, I can’t wait,” I said, thinking it’d be even better with Steve there.

  Wednesday

  Today my Mom and Dad were talking about our Zombie family reunion.

  “Dad, how are we going to get to the Zombie Family Reunion?”

  “Well, son, the best way is by Minecart train.”

  “Minecart train? What’s that?”

  “Well, minecart trains are cars that travel on a powered rail,” he said. “They’re really a lot of fun when you travel across the Biomes.”

  “How long is it going to take?”

  “It’s going to take a few days to get there,” he said. “That’s why we’re going to take the new sleeper Minecart trains. We get to sleep in them too.”

  “Really? Do they have beds in them?”

  “They’re more like body bags actually… Bunk bed style,” he said.

  Whoa, bunk body bags! That sounds so cool. Except I hope Mom and Dad don’t put me with my little brother. He’s such a pain, I thought.

  “And don’t worry, Zombie, you won’t have to share a bunk body bag with your little brother,” Mom said with a knowing look.

  Whoa, did she just read my mind?

 
“Because your cousin Piggy is coming with us,” Mom added. “His parents have a conference to go to in the Nether Fortress, so they’ll be joining us at the reunion later. They’re dropping Piggy off with us because they want him to get to the reunion early.”

  I didn’t know how I felt about that. I mean, I like Piggy and all, but he can be a bit of a pain sometimes. He’s kind of awkward too. And he always smells like bacon.

  “You can share a bunk body bag with Piggy,” Mom said.

  Great, my trip will be full of dreams of Zombie bacon, I thought.

  This was my chance to see if I could get them to bring Steve on the trip.

  “Hey Mom, there’s a Summer Exchange Student program at my school, and err… I was thinking that we can invite an exchange student to come be part of our Zombie family reunion.”

  “That is so nice of you, Zombie!” My Mom beamed. “Honey, did you hear that? Our baby is thinking of how to help others. I think I’m going to cry…”

  Then my Mom let out the waterworks. It was working like a charm.

  “Son, I’m real proud of you for thinking of the needs of others,” Dad said. “We would be happy to host an exchange student.”

  Ha! It worked.

  “Oh, OK. I’ll tell Ms. Bones at summer school and she’ll take care of it,” I said.

  This is so cool. Now Steve can come on our Zombie family reunion! Only thing is… Steve kinda smells funny too.

  Thursday

  Today I was really missing my friends Skelee, Slimey and Creepy.

  I really missed my ghoulfriend Sally too.

  They were all doing something different with their families for the summer so they weren’t around.

  Skelee was spending the summer at Yellowbone National Park where his family was from.

  Slimey was still at the Superflat Biome with his family. Slimey really liked the open fields where he could jump around and have fun and stuff. So he’s having a good time out there.

  After Creepaway Camp, Creepy went to visit his cousin Archie in the Nether. Except, I still don’t know why all that heat in the Nether doesn’t bother him.

  And Sally was still on her world tour of all the Biomes. She wasn’t coming back until a few days before school.

  I really miss Sally, too. I liked going to the Zombie’s Café and sharing a nice snot shake with her.

  I know what I’ll do, I thought. I’ll go see Mutant.

  So I went to visit Mutant at his house next to the Nuclear Waste factory.

  When I got there, Mutant was outside playing with all of his rabbit friends.

  The weird thing about Mutant’s rabbit friends is that they’re all a bit deformed. Some of them have three eyes. Some have six legs. And a few of them have more than one head.

  But those are the normal ones. The deformed ones have only two eyes and four legs.

  “Hey Mutant!”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “Whatcha up to?”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “Just playing with your rabbit friends?”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “And one of them just had babies?”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “And you named one of them Zombie?”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “Wow, thanks buddy. That was real nice of you.”

  Then I told him, “Guess what? I’m going to a Zombie family reunion in a few days.”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “Yeah, I know it’s really awesome.”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “No, my friends couldn’t come. They’re out doing different things this summer. But I wish they were coming… By the way, what are you doing for the rest of the summer?”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “You’re going to go visit your relatives in the desert? Wow, I didn’t know you had any relatives.”

  UUURRRRGGHHH!!!

  “Yeah, my relatives are weird too.”

  You know, I really like talking to Mutant. He’s a great listener.

  I don’t actually understand what he’s saying most of the time, but I think we still understand each other.

  We have a real special connection.

  Friday

  DING DONG!

  “Zombie, can you get the door? I think that’s your cousin Piggy.”

  So I went to the door, and it was Piggy and his Dad.

  Except Piggy looked a little different. I think Dad said that puberty does weird things to kids. I guess puberty must be hard on Zombie Pigmen.

  “Hey Piggy,” I said.

  “Hey Zombie, check out my new gold sword,” he said. “My Mom and Dad just got it for me for my birthday.”

  “Yeah son, I think you’re growing into a fine young Zombie Pigman,” Piggy’s Dad said.

  Piggy’s gold sword

  “It’s about time you had your own sword to battle those evil brain eating humans, he, he.”

  “Take that, and take that, you evil humans!” Piggy said as he wildly waved his sword around.

  “Hey, watch the sword, killer,” I said. “We’re short on extra Zombie parts right now.”

  “Hey there Francis,” Zombie’s Dad said to my Dad.

  “Hey Lionel,” Dad said.

  “Thanks for taking Piggy with you to the Zombie family reunion,” Piggy’s Dad said. “I was trying to get out of the Nether Fortress Conference, but when the Ghasts, Wither Skeletons, Blazes and the Zombie Pigmen Committee gets together, things can get really heated. So I need to be there to calm things down.”

  I think Piggy’s Dad is somebody important in the Nether. He’s some kind of ambassador or something. I think that’s probably why they live so close to the Nether Fortress. Only problem is, the Nether Fortress is in the middle of the Nether so it’s really, really hot. It can be a problem for regular Zombies. We don’t sweat, you know.

  “Not a problem, Lionel. We’ll take good care of him,” My Dad assured him.

  “Hey Piggy, go check out your room, it’s the second one on the left upstairs,” Dad said.

  “Thanks, Mr. Zombie,” Piggy said as he ran up the stairs waving his new gold sword.

  Wait a minute, I thought. My room is the second one on the left.

  “Good bye, Lionel. We’ll see you at the reunion.”

  I think my Dad waited for Piggy’s Dad to leave so he could drop the bomb on me.

  “Piggy’s going to be staying in your room until we leave,” Dad said. “It’s that OK with you?”

  All I know is that Mom wasn’t the only one that could turn on the waterworks.

  “Blahhhhhhhhh!!!!!” I cried.

  I think Dad wasn’t ready for that.

  “It’s only for few days,” he said.

  But all I heard was, “And Piggy is going to break all your toys, he’s going to rip up all of your comics, and he’s going to eat your booger collection.”

  “Blahhhhhhhhh!!!!!”

  My life is officially over, I thought, as I cried myself to sleep on the living room couch.

  Saturday

  Today, I had to get Steve ready so I could introduce him to my parents.

  We got some green Zombie lady makeup from the mobware store to help him look more Zombie-like.

  I don’t know why Zombie ladies wear makeup. It makes them look really weird. I’m not used to seeing a Zombie with smooth green skin.

  Anyway, we put on as much as we could so that he was totally covered from head to toe.

  After we finished, Steve looked awesome.

  So we went to my house to meet my Mom and Dad.

  Zombie Steve

  My Mom answered the door.

  “Hi Zombie. And who is this young Zombie?”

  “Ello, Mr
s. Zombie, My nem is Zven from Zveden,” Steve said in his best Zvedish accent.

  “Hello, Zven. It’s great to have you in our home,” Mom said.

  “Ya, I am very habby to be heer!”

  Actually, I think Steve was pouring it on really thick. I thought Mom would see through his act for sure.

  “Errr, Mom, I want to show Zven my room.” I grabbed him by the arm to get him out of there.

  “That’s a good idea, Zombie. I’ll prepare some pillows for him and he can sleep with you in the living room,” Mom said.

  After Mom left, Steve and I couldn’t hold it in any more.

  “PPFFTTTTTT!!!!!” We burst out laughing.

  “Zven from Zveden? Where’d you get that from? Couldn’t you be like ‘Larry’ from the Forrest Biome or ‘Emery’ from the Swamp Biome or something?” I said laughing.

  “I couldn’t help it,” Steve said, “it just came to me.”

  “Well, I hope you don’t mind the smell of bacon,” I told Steve as we entered the room.

  When we walked in, Piggy was there reading my comics.

  “Hey Zombie,” Piggy said. “Who’s your friend?”

  Before I could answer, Piggy rushed on. “Hi, friend of Zombie’s, my name is Piggy. I’m a Zombie Pigman, and I have a gold sword. I use it to kill brain eating humans!” Then he started waving his sword around and almost gave me and Steve matching haircuts.

  “Piggy, put your sword away,” I told him. “I told you we have a shortage of extra Zombie body parts in the house because Dad didn’t go to the Morgue this week.”