Insides Out Read online

  I know parents mean well. But sometimes I just think they don’t have a clue.

  But at least when I looked in the mirror, I looked like my nice green self again.

  I decided all this drama was just too much for me, so I went back to sleep.

  As I closed my eyes, I started thinking that nobody at school is gonna be wearing yellow tinted sunglasses.

  I started getting really scared about what the kids would say…

  Thursday

  “MOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!”

  “What is it dear?!!!!”

  My mom ran into my room.

  “Look at my face!”

  “Oh dear.”

  “Francis!”

  “What is it? My dad asked, as he ran into my room.

  “Oh boy.”

  “Dad, what did you do to me?!!!!!!”

  When I looked in the mirror, my face was bright yellow!

  “Dad, those glasses you gave me made me yellow!”

  “Honey, I don’t think it was the glasses,” Mom said. “The glasses only make things look yellow. Your skin is changing because of what you’re feeling.”

  “Looks like you were feeling really scared last night, huh Zombie?” Dad asked.

  “Mmm hmmm,” I said, thinking about how the kids would laugh at me at school.

  “Yeah, yellow was the color that I turned when I was younger. I was a really scared kid most of my young years,” Dad said, trying to make me feel better.

  “Really?”

  “Yep, they used to call me all kinds of names, like Chicken, Yellow Belly, Dandy-Lion, Sponge Pants, Square Bob, Ozzie-Lot, Tweety-Butt, Corn on the Cob, Cheese head, Chuck…”

  “Francis, that’s not helping!” Mom interrupted.

  But I couldn’t help thinking about how the kids at school would make fun at me.

  All of a sudden I started glowing brighter and brighter.

  **SHHIINNNEE!!***

  “Whoa, Zombie, calm down. It’s going to be OK, I promise,” my mom said.

  But I couldn’t help thinking about what all the kids would say.

  Friday

  School’s almost here, and I’m going to have to go to school looking like a sunflower.

  I know what’s going to happen: they’re going to laugh at me, and call me names, and point their fingers, and make fun, and chase me down the hall with pitch forks and torches…

  It’s going to be so embarrassing…

  RRRIIIINNNGGG!!!!

  All of a sudden my alarm clock rang.

  Wuzzatt?

  Huh?!!

  Oh man! It was all a dream!

  I just laid in my bed feeling so relieved. The whole thing was all a dream!

  I couldn’t believe it! The mood skin, and the doctor’s office, and the jokes, and the finger pointing, and the pitch forks and the torches…

  It was all a dream!

  I was so happy that all I could do was just lie in bed and smile from ear to ear. It was the biggest smile I had ever put on my face. I had never felt this happy before.

  After a little while, I got up and ran to the bathroom to gaze upon my beautiful green face, when…

  “MOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!”

  “What is it, dear?”

  My mom ran into my room.

  “LOOK AT MY FAISH!”

  “Oh dear.”

  “Francis!”

  “What is it? My dad asked, as he ran into my room.

  “Oh boy.”

  “MY FAISH… I HAF… TROLL FAISH!”

  All of a sudden, there was a knock on the front door.

  “Don’t worry, honey,” Mom said, tapping my hand but looking nervous. “You’ll be OK.”

  My mom ran down to answer the door.

  “Oh, hey Steve,” Mom said. “C’mon in… Yes, Zombie’s upstairs. But he’s going through some…um…changes.”

  Then I heard Steve run up the stairs.

  “Whoa! It’s Troll Face!”

  “WAAAARRRRRHHHH!”

  I tried to cry, but I couldn’t keep my face from smiling.

  “STEEF HELF ME!

  “Uh, OK. Mr. and Mrs. Zombie, what happened?”

  “Well, Zombie started to change color these past couple of days,” my mom said. “Monday he was red, Wednesday he was blue, yesterday he was yellow and now today… Well…he’s that.”

  “I see,” Steve said.

  “We thought he had mood skin. That’s when his skin changes colors if he is feeling really intense feelings.”

  “I see,” Steve said. Then he asked me, “So, Zombie, what were you feeling Monday?”

  “I waf mad.”

  “I see. How about Wednesday?”

  “I waf sad.”

  “I see. How about yesterday?”

  “I waf scared.”

  “So when you’re mad you turn red; when you’re sad, you turn blue; and when you’re scared you turn yellow... Hmm…” Steve said thinking to himself.

  “SUMBUDY HELF ME!!!”

  “I got it!” Steve said. “We just need to get Zombie to feel something that will turn him green again.”

  “But what feeling is going to make him turn green?” Dad asked.

  “How about disgust? Whenever I’m grossed out I usually turn green,” Steve said.

  “Let’s give it a try,” Dad said. “So Zombie, what grosses you out?”

  I tried to think but my face started to hurt because it was frozen in Troll Face position.

  “We’re going to have to try some different things,” Steve said. “I’ll be back.”

  Then Steve ran out of the house.

  “Oh Zombie, I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” Mom said.

  But, all I could think about was how scared I was about what the kids in school were going to say.

  Oh man, I better not think about that or I’m going to turn yellow again.

  Then I started getting sad because I thought I was going to be stuck like this forever.

  Oh man, I better not think about that either or I’m going to turn blue.

  Then I started getting mad. Why is this happening to me?!!! I thought.

  Oh man, I better not think about that or I’m going to turn red.

  I got so tired from all the drama that I just decided to go to sleep.

  A little while later, next thing I know, the nastiest smell I had ever smelled overpowered my nose hole.

  It smelled like a cross between minty fresh, dentist breath, and lilac old people smell, BLECH!

  The smell was so strong I couldn’t stay asleep.

  When I woke up, I saw my dentist, my grandma and my grandpa standing over me. They were all out of breath.

  Then everybody around me started smiling.

  “What are you guys smiling about?” I said as I stuck my fingers in my nose hole.

  “Take a look,” Dad said.

  Then he handed me a mirror.

  “YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I yelled as I threw my hands into the air. My beautiful green face was back!

  Man I was so happy!

  Then all of a sudden, Dad got a real serious look on his face.

  “Oh boy.”

  I looked at the mirror again…

  “WAAAAARRRRRHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”

  Saturday A Few Weeks Later...

  Well, my Troll face finally went away.

  When my Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me be part of the next All Day Minecraft Marathon PVP Tournament that just wiped the smile right off my face.

  Yeah, I had a few more color changes over the past few days.

  Let me see, I was orange, and purple, and pink, and black, and magenta. There was fuchsia, which I still don’t understand. And I even had a polka dot day…yeah that was a really confusing day.

  But the good thing was that after a few more color changes, it just suddenly stopped.

  Yeah, I guess my Mom and Dad had it all wrong.

  Mood skin eventually goes away if you just bottle all your feelings up real good.

  At least that’s what Old Man Jenkins told me.

  Old Man Jenkins came by the house yesterday to bring us some sour milk his Zombie cow made.

  “Hey, there, everyberdy? Howr’ the chickens kicking?”

  “Oh, hello Mr. Jenkins. Thank you for the sour milk,” Mom said. “Zombie is not feeling like himself today.”

  “Whoa there young man! What in tarnation happened to you?”

  “I’ve got mood skin,” I said.

  “Mood skin huh? I haven’t seen a rainbow like that, even in a bag of Skittles.”

  Yeah, I guess I was feeling a bunch of mixed feelings that morning.

  “Let me go put this milk away,” Mom said. “Mr. Jenkins, please tell Zombie how this is just a phase and that everything is going to be OK.”

  Then, before she left the room she gave Old Man Jenkins a look like he would know what she meant.

  “Is your Mom OK? She looked a bit constipated,” Mr. Jenkins said. “At least that’s what I look like when I’m constipated.”

  “WAAAAHHHH!!!!!”

  “There, there. Don’t worry about it, Zombie… It’ll be alright.”

  “I don’t want to look like a bag of Skittles for the rest of my life, Mr. Jenkins. WAAAAHHHH!!!!!”

  “Well, Zombie, if you really want to lick your mood skin, you’ve got to bo
ttle up your feelings really tight inside.”

  “What do you mean, Mr. Jenkins?”

  “Well, whenever you start feeling something really strong, just clench your butt cheeks real tight, and then push all your feelings in. Like holding a fart when a pretty girl walks by.”

  I was never really good at holding in a fart when a pretty girl walked by. Actually, I had the opposite experience.

  “Like this,” Old Man Jenkins said as he clenched his butt cheeks and made a really weird face.

  “HHHHHHHMMMMMMPPPPHHHH!!!!” he said, looking really intense.

  Next thing you know…

  BRRT, BRAAAH, THPPTPHTPHPHHPH!

  PHHHHHHRT, PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

  PFF…PRTRTRTRGURTRUFNASUTUTUT…PRRRT!

  PFFT… PHHHHHH!

  “Uh… You OK Mr. Jenkins?”

  “SPLPLPLLLP!

  WHOOOOOFFFF… POOT… PRRRRRVT… SCRAEFT… PPPPPPWWARRRRPPPPP!

  PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOAAA...RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPP!

  FUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRT!

  THHHPPBBBB…VERRRRRRRRRNNNNNNTTTTTT!

  “Uh… You want me to call a doctor for you, Mr. Jenkins?”

  HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK! PBPBPBPBP!

  FRR… FRR… FRRRRRR…RAMPOOOOOAG…PPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

  “UGH, I think this is the big one…”

  FLURPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTT!

  “AAAAAHHHHH!” Mr. Jenkins said, looking relieved.

  “Wooooooh, sorry about that, Zombie. I think the wife put a little too much sour milk in my cereal this morning.”

  “Uh… That’s OK, Mr. Jenkins.”

  But I could tell after that explosion that Mr. Jenkin’s seemed a little lighter on his feet.

  “I think I’ll leave you to it then… Seeya, Zombie.” Mr. Jenkins said as he floated out of the room.

  “PFFFTT…”

  Man, I wonder if what Mr. Jenkins said will work.

  Heh, it couldn’t hurt, I thought.

  So I squeezed my butt cheeks really tight and I put my best constipated face on… Then I tried to push my feelings really down deep and…

  “BRRRRTTTT…”

  Oh, man. It didn’t work.

  Then my Mom walked in.

  “Whoa! Smells like Thanksgiving Dinner at Grandma’s house in here!”

  Then suddenly she stopped in her tracks.

  “Zombie! Look at your face!!!”

  “What do you mean, Mom?”

  “Quick, look in the mirror!”

  And there it was… A big patch of green, right on my cheek!

  I couldn’t believe it! Old Man Jenkins was right!

  “Quick Mom, bring me some more sour milk!”

  Next thing I know, I was drowning all my feelings in some sour milk.

  But after it was all said and done, I was back to my beautiful green self again.

  Anyway, I’m just glad that I don’t have to deal with those “feelings” anymore.

  That was just some really weird stuff.

  Sunday

  School started a few weeks ago, and some of the guys come over today to do some homework.

  I hadn’t gone to school yet because I was still recovering from my mood skin, so the teacher sent my homework to me through Zmail. That part at least was a sweet deal.

  We didn’t get much school work done though. That’s because we spent the whole time plotting how we were going to join the next All Day Minecraft Marathon PVP Tournament that was happening this week.

  “Dudes, how are we going to get on the Minecraft PVP Marathon on a school night?” Skelee asked. “My parents don’t even burn torches on a school night. There’s no way they’re going to let me near a computer.”

  “Man, I don’t know. But I gotta be on the next one,” I said. “PewDiePie, and Captain Sparklez are both going to be on the one this week.”

  “Whoa,” all the guys said.

  “UUUUUURRRGGHHH! Why do parents have to be so mean?!” I said, really mad.

  “Whoa, Zombie, don’t get too mad or you’re going to start changing colors again,” Creepy said.

  “Yeah, how did you get rid of that anyway? Slimey asked.

  “I just bottled my feelings up inside,” I said. “And it helps to have some sour milk around.”

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea, Zombie?” Creepy asked. “You know, my Dad said that if you try to bottle up something as strong as feelings, then one day you could just blow up.”

  We all just looked at each other…Then we looked at Creepy.

  “What?” Creepy asked.

  “Uh… Nothing,” I said.

  “No seriously, he said that if you bottle all your feelings up, one day they just grow and grow and then next thing you know, your head will blow clean off and all your insides will spill out.”

  Then Creepy took a whiff of his Liquid Nitrogen inhaler.

  KUFF, KUFF!

  “Uh, Dude, I think maybe you’ve been using too much of that inhaler today,” Skelee said.

  “Naw, not my trusty inhaler. This is my secret weapon to help me deal with my feelings,” he said. “It’s what keeps most Creeper kids from throwing tantrums.”

  I could tell from all of the guy’s faces that we were all thinking the same thing. But we were all too chicken to ask Creepy.

  Finally I got the guts to ask him.

  “Uh… Creepy, what happens if a Creeper throws a tantrum?”

  “Well, you remember in Science class, when the teacher said that there was a big explosion and the universe was created?”

  “Wha?!!”

  Later that day, I went to go find Steve to see what he was up to.

  “OOOOOHHHHHMMMM. OOOOOHHHHHMMMM.”

  “Hey, Steve, you still doing yogurt?”

  “It’s Yo-ga, and yeah I am. I got really mad this morning, and I’m trying to find some inner peace.”

  Wow, he hasn’t found that piece yet? Man, his butt must be really sore.

  “What made you so mad?” I asked Steve.

  “Well, I had just finished building this really cool “Man” cave yesterday, and when I came today to check it out, it was totally destroyed.”

  “Sounds like somebody trolled your house, dude.”

  “Yeah, I really put a lot of effort into that house. Urrrggggghhh!!!!”

  “OOOOOHHHHHMMMM. OOOOOHHHHHMMMM.”

  “Hey, does that stuff really work?”

  “It sure does. It helps me really find peace of mind.”

  “Dude, I lost a piece of my mind once. Me and the guys were playing a game called pencil sharpener, and I was the pencil, and…”

  “OOOOOHHHHHMMMM. OOOOOHHHHHMMMM.”

  “Oh, OK. I get it. I guess I’ll just leave you alone then.”

  So I said goodbye to Steve, and left him in the forest standing on his head.

  I wonder why Steve just doesn’t push all of his feelings inside, like Old Man Jenkins said.

  Monday

  “WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  YOU’RE THE WORST!

  WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  PLEEEEEAAASSSEEEEEE!!!!!

  WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  WHY CAN’T I GO?

  WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!

  WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  BUT WWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY???!!!!!

  WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  YOU’RE MEAN!!!!!

  WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

  I couldn’t help it. The words just kept coming out of my mouth and I couldn’t control it.

  It’s like my mouth was a faucet that somebody had turned on full blast.

  “WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

  Then my hands started flapping up and down like I was a chicken trying to fly.

  Then I started jumping up and down.